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Deep Thoughts 4 Deep Thinkers!!!
1. Save the whales………collect the whole set.
2. A day without sunshine is like……….. night.
3. On the other hand…….. you have different fingers.
4. 42.7 percent of all statistics……. are made up on the spot.
5. 99 percent of lawyers…… give the rest a bad name.
6. Remember, half the people you know …….are below average.
7. He who laughs last ……..thinks slowest.
8. Depression is merely anger…….. without enthusiasm.
9. The early bird may get the worm………. but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.
10. Support bacteria!!…….. they’re the only culture some people have.
11. A clear conscience……… is usually the sign of a bad memory.
12. Change is inevitable……… except from vending machines.
13. If you think nobody cares……… try missing a couple of payments.
14. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis???………. raise my hand.
15. OK………… so what’s the speed of dark?
16. When everything is coming your way………you’re in the wrong lane.
17. Hard work pays off in the future………laziness pays off now.
18. Every one has a photographic memory…….. some just don’t have film.
19. How much deeper would the ocean be ……..without sponges?
20. Eagles may soar……….. but turkeys don’t get sucked into jet engines.
21. What happens if you get scared half to death……… twice?
22. I couldn’t repair your brakes………… so I made your horn louder.
23. Why do psychics have to ask you……… for your name???
24. Inside every older person………. is a younger person wondering what happened!!!
25. Just remember……….if the world didn’t suck, we would all fall off.
26. Light travels faster than sound………. that’s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
27. Life isn’t like a box of chocolates . . . …..it’s more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.
Geography of Woman
Between 18 and 22, a woman is like AFRICA
….half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally beautiful.
Between 23 and 30, a woman is like EUROPE
….well developed and open to trade, especially for someone of real value.
Between 31 and 35, a woman is like SPAIN
….very hot, relaxed, and convinced of her own beauty.
Between 36 and 40, a woman is like GREECE
….gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit.
Between 41 and 50, a woman is like GREAT BRITAIN
….with a glorious and all conquering past.
Between 51 and 60, a woman is like ISRAEL
….has been through war, doesn’t make the same mistakes twice, takes care of business.
Between 61 and 70, a woman is like CANADA
….self-preserving, but open to meeting new people.
After 70, she becomes TIBET
….wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages, an adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge.
Geography of Man
Between 1 and 90, a man is like IRAN
….ruled by nuts.
Do you know those stories that usually ends with moral lessons? I always remember one of Aesop’s Fables about the fox and the bunch of grapes. The fox was jumping and jumping to grab the grapes but after a few times, he quit and said the grapes might be sour anyway. So the moral of the story is that “expressing anger and frustration at having failed to get something is like being a sore loser”. Here are a couple of stories with moral lessons too – just a little twisted.
The Exposed Wife
Just finishing her bath, a woman quickly rushed down to answer her doorbell, wrapped only in a skimpy towel. She opened the door and saw that it was Todd, their neighbour. Seeing her in the towel, Todd says, “I’ll give you five hundred bucks to drop that towel.” So she dropped the towel and takes the money. The woman went back upstairs and said to her husband, “That was Todd.” “Oh Great!” exclaims the husband, “did he say anything about the five hundred he owes me?”
Moral of the story:
Share critical information with your stakeholders in a timely manner to prevent undue exposure.
In this market state, there are hardly any smiles or laughter, most of the time, its just frowns and head shakes. Hard to say when everything will be more stabilized. Then again, laughter is essential, no matter how the stock market is. So get that frown off your face, take a break and laugh some more!
When only two syllables matters.
Laughing is good for health. In fact, studies did show that laughter caused the release of neuroendocrine, which is almost like a natural body “drugs” that makes you “oh-so_happy”! And stress-related hormones actually decreased during episodes of laughter. How about that for a stress-free environment. So laugh more and make it an epidemic! Of course, to laugh, you need a joke or two. How about a few of the funniest jokes around?
A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?”
The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.” There is a silence, and then a shot is heard.
The guy’s voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?”
Learning Chinese is interesting, especially when you translate it. LITERALLY. Try these phrases for fun. I will let you try the first one. Read the Chinese pronunciation as you would, literally.
Ai Bang Mai Ne = I bumped into the coffee table
Ai = I
Bang = bang
Mai = my
Ne = knee
Now do you get it? So try the rest and have a good laugh!
Ar U Wun Tu = A gay liberation greeting
Chin Tu Fat = You need a face lift
Dum Gai = A stupid person
Gun Pao Der = An ancient Chinese invention
Hu Flung Dung = Which one of you fertilized the field?
Hu Yu Hai Ding = We have reason to believe you are harboring a fugitive
Jan Ne Ka Sun = A former late night talk show host
Kum Hia = Approach me
Lao Zi = Not very good
Lin Ching = An illegal execution
Moon Lan Ding = Achievement of the American space program
Ne Ahn = A lighting fixture used in advertising signs
Shai Gai = A bashful person
Tai Ne Bae Be = A premature infant
Tai Ne Po Ne = A small horse
Ten Ding Ba = Serving drinks to people
Wan Bum Lung = A person with T.B.
Wa Shing Kah = Cleaning an automobile
Wai So Dim = Are you trying to save electricity?
Wai U Shao Ting = There is no reason to raise your voice
Si-Ling Fan = A device to keep you cool
Sum Dum Fuk = Irritating drivers
Can’t figure out some of it? Then leave a comment and I will tell you what it meant.