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Aesop Fables & Moral Lessons

April 21st, 2009

Do you know those stories that usually ends with moral lessons? I always remember one of Aesop’s Fables about the fox and the bunch of grapes. The fox was jumping and jumping to grab the grapes but after a few times, he quit and said the grapes might be sour anyway. So the moral of the story is that “expressing anger and frustration at having failed to get something is like being a sore loser”. Here are a couple of stories with moral lessons too – just a little twisted.

The Exposed Wife
towel
Just finishing her bath, a woman quickly rushed down to answer her doorbell, wrapped only in a skimpy towel. She opened the door and saw that it was Todd, their neighbour. Seeing her in the towel, Todd says, “I’ll give you five hundred bucks to drop that towel.” So she dropped the towel and takes the money. The woman went back upstairs and said to her husband, “That was Todd.” “Oh Great!” exclaims the husband, “did he say anything about the five hundred he owes me?”

Moral of the story:
Share critical information with your stakeholders in a timely manner to prevent undue exposure.

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Laugh Some More – All about Stock Market

January 5th, 2009

In this market state, there are hardly any smiles or laughter, most of the time, its just frowns and head shakes. Hard to say when everything will be more stabilized. Then again, laughter is essential, no matter how the stock market is. So get that frown off your face, take a break and laugh some more!

When only two syllables matters.
stock-humor-buy

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Laugh some more

August 25th, 2008

Laughing is good for health. In fact, studies did show that laughter caused the release of neuroendocrine, which is almost like a natural body “drugs” that makes you “oh-so_happy”! And stress-related hormones actually decreased during episodes of laughter. How about that for a stress-free environment. So laugh more and make it an epidemic! Of course, to laugh, you need a joke or two. How about a few of the funniest jokes around?

Make sure
A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?”
The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.” There is a silence, and then a shot is heard.
The guy’s voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?”

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Chinese language at its best!

August 11th, 2008

Learning Chinese is interesting, especially when you translate it. LITERALLY. Try these phrases for fun. I will let you try the first one. Read the Chinese pronunciation as you would, literally.

Ai Bang Mai Ne = I bumped into the coffee table

Get it?

Ai = I
Bang = bang
Mai = my
Ne = knee

Now do you get it? So try the rest and have a good laugh!

Ar U Wun Tu = A gay liberation greeting
Chin Tu Fat = You need a face lift
Dum Gai = A stupid person
Gun Pao Der = An ancient Chinese invention
Hu Flung Dung = Which one of you fertilized the field?
Hu Yu Hai Ding = We have reason to believe you are harboring a fugitive
Jan Ne Ka Sun = A former late night talk show host
Kum Hia = Approach me
Lao Zi = Not very good
Lin Ching = An illegal execution
Moon Lan Ding = Achievement of the American space program
Ne Ahn = A lighting fixture used in advertising signs
Shai Gai = A bashful person
Tai Ne Bae Be = A premature infant
Tai Ne Po Ne = A small horse
Ten Ding Ba = Serving drinks to people
Wan Bum Lung = A person with T.B.
Wa Shing Kah = Cleaning an automobile
Wai So Dim = Are you trying to save electricity?
Wai U Shao Ting = There is no reason to raise your voice
Si-Ling Fan = A device to keep you cool
Sum Dum Fuk = Irritating drivers

Can’t figure out some of it? Then leave a comment and I will tell you what it meant.

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How to ask your Boss for a salary increase?

July 23rd, 2008

One day an employee sends a letter to her boss asking for an increase in her salary!

Dear Bo$$

In thi$ life, we all need $ome thing mo$t de$perately. I think you $hould be under$tanding of the need$ of u$ worker$ who have given $o much $upport including $weat and $ervice to your company.

I am $ure you will gue$$ what I mean and re$pond $oon.

Your$ $incerely,
Marian $hih

Money

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Can you spell Mississippi?

July 11th, 2008

I always find geographical terms and names of places are the hardest to spell out. For example, like, the Mediterainians… I mean, Mediteraneans… Again! M-e-d-i-t-e-r-r-a-n-e-a-n-s. Whew…
Then I found a humourous and fun way to remember how to spell “Mississippi” through this joke:

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an
animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at
first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of
the men say the following:

“Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come
once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee
twice. Then I come one lasta time.”

“You foul mouthed swine,” retorted the lady indignantly. “In this
country we don’t talk about our sex lives in public!”

“Hey, coola down lady,” said the man. “Who talkin’ abouta sexa? I’m
just tellin’ my frienda how to spella ‘Mississippi’.”

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A wife is a sex object

December 5th, 2007

Got you. I understand sex sells, that’s why the brilliant subject to get you to click. Anyway, do you know why did I say a wife is a sex object? Well, because everytime you ask for sex, she objects!

Hahaha… if you think that has made your day, wait till you laugh over the following brilliant jokes! Don’t worry, they are safe at work, but make sure you lower down your volume!

When I was born, I got a choice – A big d*ck or a good memory. I am not able to remember, what I chose.

Sexy wife

Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.

Impotence is the nature’s way of saying “No hard feelings”.

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Short Funny Jokes

Malaysian hell

August 23rd, 2007

A Malaysian named Ah Meng dies and arrives in hell. He finds that there is a different hell for each country and he can choose which hell he wants to go to. He first goes to the Singapore hell. There outside the door is Ah Lian, looking bored. Ah Meng asks, “What do they do here?”

Ah Lian replies, “First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Singapore devil comes in and whips your butt for the rest of the day.”

“That’s terrible!” gasps Ah Meng. He is terrified! “I’m going to check out the other hells!”, he yells. He checks out the Thailand hell, the Indian hell as well as the Russian hell and many more. He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the Singapore hell. You get tortured to death basically!

Malaysian durians

Then he comes to the Malaysian hell and discovers a huge line of people waiting to get in. The line circles around the lobby five times before receding off into the horizon. Ah Meng pushes his way through to the head of the line. Amazed he asks “What do they do here?”

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The Intel joke

July 15th, 2007

This is a very funny joke I received some time ago from a friend. I believe it’s worth sharing… hope it will make your weekend a much better one. Enjoy… make sure you read till the end.

One politician, one thief and an INTEL Manager died. They went straight to hell. Don’t ask me why hell, but not heaven.

Intel

The politician said “I miss my country. I want to call my country and see how everybody is doing there.” She called and talked for about 5 minutes, then she asked “Well, devil how much do I need to pay for the call?”.

The devil said “Five million dollars”.

The politician wrote him a check immediately and went to sit back on her chair.

The thief saw all these and was so jealous, he started screaming, “My turn! I want to call my group members, I want to see how everybody is doing there too!”

He called and talked for about 2 minutes, then he asked “Well, devil, how much do I need to pay for the call? Make sure it’s cheap enough.”

The devil said “Ten million dollars”.

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Arousing foreplay

February 26th, 2007

Couples I came across this funny joke from a friend… I am not someone who laugh out loud reading any jokes, but this one got me rolling on the floor laughing! It’s so very funny that I think I cramped my stomatch muscles laughing! Hahaha… now, let me present you the funniest joke ever! Enjoy.

One cold night, a married couple is lying in bed. The wife is curled up, ready to go to sleep after a long day tiring at work. The husband turns his bed lamp on to read his favorite book. As he’s reading, he periodically reaches over to his wife and fondles her special area.

He does this for a few times, but only for a very short interval before returning to read his book. The wife gradually becomes more and more aroused and, assuming that her husband is seeking some encouragement before going further, she gets up and starts stripping in front of him.

The husband is shocked and asks, “Why are you taking off your clothes?”

His wife replies, “You were rubbing me downtown. I thought it was foreplay.”

The husband says, “No, not at all.”

His wife asks angrily, “Well, what the hell were you doing then?”

“I was just wetting my fingers so I could turn the pages in my book.” 🙂

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Short Funny Jokes